Top 5 Kissing Mistakes

This is being written for men. Partially because I’ve never kissed a woman, and partially because so many men are just so incredibly bad at kissing – and totally unaware of it. It’s absolutely amazing to me, that a man could reach 35 years of age and kiss as badly as he did in junior high school. I mean, people, this issue is totally pandemic. So much so, that many women deal with the problem by refusing to kiss their boyfriends more than occasionally.

Which leads him to think she’s a cold fish, when, in reality, he kisses like one. I’ve kissed quite a few men in my time (that is a literal statement and doesn’t mean I shagged all of them – though, to be sure, I’d have shagged a goodly number more if they hadn’t completely turned me off with their kissing) and I can tell you most men are total shite when it comes to French kissing. Here are the 5 most common mistakes the average man makes.

Tongue Shoving

This is not a joust, do not shove your tongue into a woman’s mouth and expect her to do something with it. Sooo many men do this, it’s incredible. You should enter slowly and then build up pressure; you don’t just thrust your tongue between her teeth and down her throat. It’s not sexy, I promise.

Teeth Cleaning

Hers, not yours. You don’t need to be gliding your tongue across the front, back or sides of my teeth. Did that mental image make you want to chuck? Let me tell you, the chuck factor is greatly amplified when you’re actually experiencing it. Please don’t.

Slobbering

When I was 17 I had an 18 year-old boyfriend who was a fabulous kisser. So much so, in fact, he’s easily in the Top 5, even when compared to men in their 20’s and 30’s who should have been far, far better than a teenaged boy. The only problem? My face was always a bit wet when it was over. Obviously, a passionate kiss is going to result in the exchange of bodily fluids (umm, perverts!), but you should be mindful that you don’t get her too wet. Not there, anyway.

Teeth Knocking

I have experienced this twice in my life, and both times resulted in my ending the kiss, and never kissing the guy again. Knocking your teeth into hers makes for a very awkward situation, especially if it’s the first kiss. We realize you’re nervous, but please no teeth knocking.

Tongue Sucking

Ok – before I get into this one, let me first say that some people dig it. I am not one of them. I do not want my tongue slurped on, and I am not going to tool around with yours, either. If you’re of a mind to try this on someone, I suggest you ask beforehand. I have it on good authority that failure to do so can result in someone biting down. Hard.