Things That Turn Women Off

Lots of things can turn a women off in the bedroom (let's be honest -- we're a fickle lot) but there are five things which stand head and shoulders above the rest. Five things which, when experienced firsthand, can end your evening before it's even started, if you know what I'm saying. Five things which no adult male should subject us to... and yet... so many of you do. These basic no-no's are far from being a complete list, but they'll do in terms of basic ed.

Over Eagerness

We understand: Some of you don't get this far that often, and you're getting ahead of yourself, er, in hopes of not getting too far ahead of yourselves before we get there too. Be as eager as you like -- but please don't let it show. Doing so makes us feel more like a toy and less like a woman, and God knows there are plenty of toys out there, if that's your thing. Some measure of restraint, please; at least until we're on the same page.

Groping

Oxford describes the act of groping as such: "feel about or search blindly or uncertainly with the hands". That's a fairly unsexy definition, don't you think? Well, that's pretty much on par with how unsexy it feels to be the gropee. It's ok to be nervous, but, please, we don't want to feel like we're in the broom closet whilst you play 7 Minutes In Heaven.

Slobber

I've done several articles on kissing basics, including how to french kiss, but I really can't put enough emphasis on how important this skill is. You don't have to be an expert kisser, but please, no slobbering? We don't want to feel like we've just been slimed. Of course, there are other facets of kissing that should be considered as well -- but few are as off-putting as this one.

Poor Hygiene

No offense, but some of y'all just aren't clean enough. Pre-date hygiene is important! And standing in the shower for 30 minutes is a futile effort, unless you're actually going to suds your entire body up. And, if you want to kiss us, make sure your mouth is clean. Some of you just brush your teeth and think that's enough. Floss, for God's sake! Brush your tongue! And don't forget to clean the rest of you, while you're at it!

Selfishness

You can probably guess what I mean by this -- and yes, that's what I mean. But it's more than just that. It's also about paying attention to what she wants, what she's asking for, and what she's actually ready for. Getting your foot in the door is not a guarantee that you'll be spending the night; pay attention, or you stand a good chance of sleeping on the couch.