There Are Three Types Of Men In The World

15 July 2006

I’ve come to the conclusion that men are separated into three categories. The Nodders, the Ground-lookers, and the Sneerers. The personality that is attributed to all three is, almost always at first impression, the same.

The Nodders

If you’re in the presence of a lady, these gents will look at the girl that you are with, and if they think she is attractive they’ll give you the nod at the moment that they make eye contact with you. If you are a Nodder as well, you’ll oblige him with the same courtesy and perhaps a thankful smile for the compliment. If you’re a sneerer, you’ll probably either start or be very close to starting a confrontation with the Nodder. If you are a Ground-looker you’ll feel uncomfortable and look directly at the girl you are with or the ground.

The Ground-Looker

If you’re in the presence of a lady, these gents will look, or perhaps gawk at the woman that you are with and when you make eye contact with them they immediately look at the ground to avoid confrontation. If you’re a Nodder, you’ll pay no attention to these guys except perhaps to accept it as a compliment to the woman’s attractiveness and your own masculinity. If you’re a sneerer, you’ll keep looking at the Ground-looker to insure that he does not look again. If you’re a Ground-looker you’ll understand his reaction because you do it to.

The Sneerer

By far the worst sort. If you’re in the presence of a lady, these gents will look, gawk, and potentially make the lady feel uncomfortable, and when you make eye contact with them, they give you the “fuck you buddy” look and continue gawking, looking, or potentially making your lady friend feel uncomfortable. If you’re a Sneerer as well, this could be a serious moment of confrontation. If you’re a Nodder, this will piss you off, but you’ll ignore it. If you’re a Ground-looker you’ll either hold tight to the lady you’re with (should you have the ability to do so) or act like you don’t notice it.

When I’m out and about, I appreciate the Nodders. The Ground-lookers never bother me. But the Sneerers, oh the Sneerers. The most arrogant caste of men, they seriously irk me. Men can move through the various stages as generous volumes of alcohol are added. Nodders generally turn into ground-lookers, and ground-lookers generally turn into Sneerers. Sneerers, are always Sneerers, alcohol or other intoxicants only make it worse.