The Battle Of Sexes

Contents:
1.Relationship compatibility
2.Men & Women: differences

All this pitting of sex against sex, of quality against quality; all this claiming of superiority and imputing of inferiority belong to the private-school stage of human existence where there are sides, and it is necessary for one side to beat another side. ~Virginia Woolf, A Room of One's Own, 1929

The rivalry between women and men seems to be eternal. We might tend to imagine for a moment that one of these days a winner will be declared, and the discussion will be finally over. But of course we know that each generation will take this discussion to a new level.

From the very beginning, the Bible says, God's work of creation involved making "distinctions" out of the original chaos, creating day and night, sea and dry land, fish and birds, male and female.

With the sin of Adam and Eve, however, power and manipulation entered into the world, disrupting their relationship with God and with each other.

It’s fun to talk about the intriguing differences between the sexes, but there is a level at which this becomes ominous and devastating. When there is a striving for domination or control, there is a bitter enmity even under a friendly veneer.

Since the primeval times until recently the roles of men and women in society were strictly regulated. Church, school, family, and mass media did their best to convince women that their role was to become hearth-keepers, while men were breadwinners. Women did the vast majority of society's child rearing because few other options were available to them, while men domineered in fields like politics, engineering, medicine, and architecture.

Since 1970 the feminist revolution nearly prohibited talk of inborn difference and proclaimed men and women equal in their rights. Women finally secured the right to be independent. Today, there are women among astronauts, lawyers, doctors, and prime ministers. They often work longer hours then men to prove they are more professional, they make more and at some point they ask themselves, “Do we need men at all?”

Men strike back. “Promise Keepers”, a Christ-centered ministry for men has been running conferences and seminars since 1990. This organization is helping men cope with confusion and disorientation in today’s society. It turned out that men also have a right to a nervous breakdown. Not just women.

Feminists assert that men are still domineering in the American society. It might be true, but have you estimated the price men are paying for this domination? In 1920 women lived one year longer than men, while now a life expectancy for an average American woman is 7 years longer than that of an average man. The suicide rate among 20-24 year old men is 6 times higher than that for young women of the same age group.

Men are going through a serious crisis. One of the reasons is that over a short period of time, in the course of life of one or two generations, the roles of men and women have dramatically changed. Having a mobilizing effect on women, this process confused most men. Women got what they wanted. They were looking forward to taking up men’s roles, to become doctors, lawyers, pilots, to manage family budget, to play soccer, to have access to politics… They acquired confidence and a higher status in the society. Men, however, were never dreaming of replacing women, of becoming secretaries or housewives. They were used to take certain traditional privileges for granted and no wonder they were disappointed.

Again, men and women found themselves on different sides of the barricades. Will peace treaty ever be signed?

1. Relationship compatibility

Many people erroneously believe that "opposites attract", and seek a partner with interests opposite to their own under the illusion that this is a good way to form an enduring bond. Partners, who get caught in this lie, often suffer painful consequences. While it is true that opposites do attract sometimes, this attraction usually doesn't hold up to the reality of everyday life and commitment.

Incompatibility remains the strongest factor contributing to breakup. Psychologists have discovered that there are certain types of incompatible relationships that are doomed to fail from the start. We call these Incompatible Relationships.

Incompatible relationships

People should be warned of the dangers of dating someone with vast differences. The following is a summary of the five most common incompatible types of relationships.

1. The Missionary Relationship

In the missionary relationship one partner is trying to convert the other person to the faith. The common denominator of the missionary relationship is the need to justify the rela¬tionship on evangelistic grounds. For starters, how ludicrous to think that you can establish a healthy bond with someone on the basis of a hidden agenda! Unsurprisingly, after hanging on to these dead-end relationships, it's even more difficult to break it off in the end. The bottom line is that when there is spiritual or religious incompatibility - get out. It's too difficult to judge the sincerity of one's spiritual quest, when the emotions of love and romance are involved. The sacrifice is usually unjustified. Missionary relationships simply don't work.

2. Sacrificial Relationship

Some women tragically apply the mission of falling for men who are emotionally "sick and dying" for their love lives. Against all odds, they attempt to love, comfort, and take care of their lovers, hoping to nurture them back to emotional health. It reminds of a children’s game -one is the nurse, and the other is the patient. If you have a tendency to hang on to needy people in order to "love" them to health, then you need to ask yourself why. Why do you have this unquenchable need to be needed? You are called to be an equal partner in a relationship, not a shrink, sur¬rogate parent, missionary, or nurse. Sacrificial relationships may seem exciting and challenging at first, but they usually end in dis¬illusionment. If this describes you, you need remedial work - get a life!

3. The Exotic Relationship

When two people from radically different cultural or ethnic backgrounds get together it’s called an Exotic relationship. At the beginning you might be intrigued by the accent, cultural differences, and mysterious demeanor of the other person. The rela¬tionship can be based on the allure of being with someone completely different in so many ways. Sure, exotic relationships are exciting and adventurous, but they're extremely impractical. Under the best of circum¬stances, dating and marriage are difficult and challenging. Before you invest time, energy, and money into an exotic relationship, consider the fact that the odds of this kind of relationship actually making it one in a million.

4. “Unequally aged” Relationship

The hallmark of the unequally aged relationship is the considerable age gap between partners. If you find yourself saying, "Yes, sir" to your partner, then you may be in this particular type of relationships. If your partner is still telling you stories about the "good îld days" in the fifties, then this is your case. These types are usually trying to compensate for emotional insecurity, or expecting their partner to fill in for Mom or Dad. Regardless of the psychological reasons behind this trend, in most cases this substantial age difference is another example of incompatible relationships.

Unequally aged relationships provide a sense of emotional or financial security at their early stage, but eventually they hit several snags of incompatibility. Energy levels can be drastically different. Cultural connecting points such as movies, historical events, music, and past trends will also be different. These things may seem trivial, but they are extremely important when you are seeking to build a long-lasting bond.

5. Rebellious Relationship

The first sign of this kind of relationship is the need to date some¬one purely out of your ‘caste’. Rebellious relationship daters choose a partner, who is exactly the opposite of everything their families would want for them. Most of the time, people engaged in this kind of relationship, are merely angry with their parents or attempting to define them¬selves as a way to establish a sense of indepen¬dence. However, there are more constructive ways to deal with anger or establish independence – understanding, forgiveness and maturity. Save yourself the pain and embarrassment by staying clear of any kind of rebellious rela¬tionship.

Compatible relationships

A relationship, by definition, is the connecting of people. Therefore, to have a successful relationship with the opposite sex you must connect on many levels. This is what is called Compatible Relationships. Example below shows that in order to truly connect with another person, you must be compatible on three general lev¬els: spiritual, physical, and social.

1. The Spiritual Connection

If you cannot connect with your partner on a spiritual level, your relationship is headed for disaster. What you believe about God, how you pray, which holidays you celebrate, which books you hold to be sacred, and your opinion on baptism are just a few components that make up your spiritual belief system. When you don't see eye to eye with your partner in these areas, then you are compromising something that is deeply ingrained in you. Your spirituality and how that is expressed is the most intense and intimate part of you. Tremendous heartache and frustra¬tion will occur, when two people are unable to connect and share this most intimate part of their lives.

2. The Physical Connection

Being sexually attracted to your partner is a prerequisite for a healthy relation¬ship. Having a spiritual connection is not enough. You must have that spark, that chemistry, that attraction that draws you to the person like a magnet. There must be "some¬thing" in the way that person looks, moves, laughs, speaks, or smiles; something that compels you to want to be with him or her. All great relationships have some element of chemistry, and you either have it or you don't.

3. The Social Connection

Some people often neglect social compatibility, though this very area creates lots of stresses on relationships. Social compatibility primarily concerns family patterns and social relating.

The old saying, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree," usually holds true. Who you are, and many of your life perspectives stem directly from your family upbringing. If you grew up in a home in which you received love, support, encouragement and security from your parents, then you probably have a good foundation for build¬ing a happy family. If you didn't grow up in such an environment, then you would have to work harder to develop a strong bond. Some of the important issues associ¬ated with family background are holiday customs, family rules, finances, domestic responsibilities, and rearing children.

The other area of connecting at the social level deals with patterns of relating. This dimension of a relationship covers a wide variety of concerns, including social skills, communication style, and intellectual compatibility.

What does it mean to be compatible? Well, similarities between people make life together much simpler. Being together involves compromise, and people can reach these compro¬mises more easily when they share common values and inter¬ests. Sure, sometimes opposites can attract, but for a stable relationship bet on similarity.

2. Men & Women: differences

Have you ever heard a seemingly normal woman saying something like, "I don't know what I do to turn men off. I seem to push them away. Maybe I'm too demanding, or not demanding enough. Men are so confusing."

And it could be that very same day that you hear a seemingly normal man, unrelated to the first woman, complaining: ‘I don't get women. I must be doing something wrong. Women are so hard to understand."

When men and women get together, there are, in effect, two worlds—his and hers. They have different values, priorities, and habits. They play by different rules.

Scientists have come to accept that a few fundamental differences between men and women are biological. It turns out that men's and women's brains, for example, are not only different, but the way we use them differs too. Women have larger connections and more frequent interaction between their brain's left and right hemispheres. This accounts for women's ability to have better verbal skills and intuition. Men, on the other hand, have greater brain hemisphere separation, which explains their skills for abstract reasoning and visual-spatial intelligence. Poet Robert Bly describes women's brains as a "superhighway" of connection while men’s brains connections are compared to a "little crookedy country road.'"

Different habits of men and women are explained by different roles in the process of evolution. Although life conditions have changed, both men and women tend to follow their biological programs.

Men tend to retain a firm sense of direction – they need to trace the game, catch it, and find the way home, while women have a better peripheral vision that helps them to see what’s happening around the house, to spot an approaching danger, to notice changes in the children’s behavior and appearance. Men’s brains are programmed to hunting, which explains their narrow range of vision, while women’s brains are able to decipher a wider range of information

When entering a room, men look for exits, estimating a possible threat, and ways of escape, while women pay attention to the guests’ faces to find out who they are and how they feel. Men are able to sort out information and archive it in their head. Women tend to ‘rewind’ the information over and over again. The only way to stop thinking of the problems is to talk it over. When a woman shares her problems with a man, she is not looking for solutions – she needs someone to listen to her.

• Men like to compare women, and women like to compare men. Men rate women by their appearance; women rank men by their wealth, looks, and vehicles they drive.

• Both men and women have biological cycles. On certain days of the month women tend to be more emotional. The reason is an excessive amount of liquid in their bodies and brains during PMS. Although men don’t have periods, their moods and energy levels are also cyclic. If you know your partner long enough, you will learn to recognize the signals of such cycles and cope with them.

• Both sides are willing to give advice, even if no one is asking their opinion. Usually the more knowledgeable side will give advice more actively, and if both sides think they are more informed, the arguments will be endless.

• Both sides are jealous. Deep inside men and women are exactly the same in jealousy, but usually male can hide it better than females.

• Both sides will have casual affairs. Times when women had to go to jail, or be drown in a pig cage for love affairs have gone, so why not?

• Both male and female are suspicious. The only difference is female have higher alertness, they will carefully observe the slightest change in the man’s behaviour, while men will usually disregard or take them longer to aware from female.

• Both sides have trouble being dependable. Simply because we usually make promises on the spur of the moment, without considering thoroughly about whether we have enough abilities and patience to keep them. Usually men are forced to make more promises than women.

• Both sides are denying responsibilities, especially when it comes to dealing with their children. Our rebellious spirit will not accept any blame for not taking good care of the children; we will strike back with the same accusations.