Should You Divorce Or Work Out?

by Ralph Crainer

Problems can crop up in any marriage. Managing them needs dedication and hard work. But the reward for the effort can be well worth it. Divorce isn't always the alternative to working through the rough times of marriage -- not for everybody.

Talking it out

A lack of communication lies at the heart of most problems associated with failing relationships. Screaming recriminations at one another and indulging in futile arguments is often mistaken for meaningful dialogue. You need to be objective in these situations. Dispelling anger helps to see the real issues more clearly.

Each couple will have their own set of problems and issues that they need to work through. Perhaps there are trust issues or issues with intimacy. Whatever your issues, sit down and talk about them without judging or accusing. State what you need from the other person in order to feel loved and respected. You may want to write letters to each other and share them if you fear that you will interrupt the other
while you talk.

Wait until both of you have read before you say your piece. You will be astonished at how alike your views are.

Getting help

If talking it out doesn't'thelp, you can always consult a trained marriage counselor. Their objectiveness and unbiased views are sometimes all that is needed. They can also provide you with solutions that can help improve and strengthen your relationship.

Support of your family and friends can be source of great comfort during this difficult period. Talk freely with them and don't react negatively to any criticism. Just make sure your friends have your best interest at heart.

In the end

If you have tried to work things out, gone to a counselor, and still things have not improved, or they've just gotten worse, it might be the right decision to divorce. What happens in many cases is that the couple doesn't try to sort out their problems and rushes straight into divorce.

Many marriages can be salvaged by open and frank communication between husband and wife and by them adopting an approach that can help rebuild their floundering
relationship.

On that note, staying together for the children is not always the best option. Even though the children may be younger, they can sense when their parents aren't happy and should not be put into the position of having to live with such negativity.