Seven Types Of Men To Avoid

If you are a ThirdAger looking for a relationship, it takes patience to find someone you can respect, whose heart is open to you, and you doesn't drive you up a wall. But while you're looking, don't waste your time on the types of men I call "The Dirty Seven." Read on to see who they are and what you can do about them.

1. ScarMan: Otherwise known as the walking wounded, ScarMan talks continuously about his ex and the past, to the exclusion of everything else -- including you. He is too busy telling you about what a saint or witch his ex was to notice that you havenit been able to say one word about yourself. He is not ready yet for a relationship yet and should be passed by until he gets over the past.

2. SideMan: This man is married or living with someone, but looking for some excitement on the side. He has no attention of establishing a real relationship, though might lie to get what he wants.

3. CrazyMan: He has so many quirks that a hospital wing of psychotherapists couldnit figure him out. He might have rituals he must perform. One needs to sleep with his teddy bear by his face. Another calls his mother three times a day. Though some of these rituals may be tolerable in small doses, they might run you down in the long-term.

4. GuyMan: He likes guys better than girls but pretends to be straight. Because he hides his gayness, he is difficult to spot. But if you have ever been with a man who loves women, you will be aware that something is lacking.

5. YAPpie: He has the benefit of youth on his side, but not much else. He's without money and without job prospects. You pay for everything and drive him around, too.

6. OLMan: This guy is the YAPpie grown older but not wiser. He has not provided for his future and is looking to you to do that for him. His only plans now are to find someone who will take care of him.

7. BagMan: He's got difficult children -- some of whom may live with him -- from earlier relationships. Multiple alimony payments and lots of bitterness over past woes are just some of the baggage this man brings to the relationship. Give up on him before you are left holding the bag.

The Good Guys

Good guys are out there -- and are worth taking the time to find. He is the exact opposite of all of the Dirty Seven:

• The un-ScarMan: He is not stuck in the past and is here with you, now. He wants to learn about you because he is interested.

• The un-SideMan: He is devoted to you -- and not to lots of chicks on the side. He puts his whole heart into your relationship.

• The un-CrazyMan: He has enough grounding in reality to be able to share your world with enthusiasm. He is balanced and rational.

• The un-GuyMan: He is honest about his sexuality and loves you because you are a woman with a womanis body.

• The un-YAPpie: He can support himself and does not expect you to be a "sugar mama." He has plans and goals for what he wants from life and how he wants to contribute to others.

• The un-OLMan: He has had a life vision and continues to work on it, even when he is up in years. He can support himself and stays young-at-heart, though he has the wisdom that comes with age and experience.

• The un-BagMan: He might have some baggage -- as does everyone who has lived -- but he does not inflict it on you so that it takes over your life. He has handled it cleanly and fairly so that it does not keep coming back to haunt either of you.

The thought and time you take to choose the right mate in your ThirdAge will be rewarded when you have a companionship of equals.

By June Marshall