Relationship Jokes

Need a break from the seriousness of a relationship? We all need a laugh once in awhile! Check out our ever-expanding collection of relationship jokes, sure to crack a few laughs.

Tips for using relationship jokes:

• Send a funny relationship joke via email or text message to give them a chuckle on a bad day.

• Write a love note (and include a funny relationship joke) and put in it their lunch or briefcase to find while at work.

• Add a relationship joke to your wedding celebration - in the invitation, thank you cards, or on your reception tables!

• Call their voicemail and leave a relationship joke message so they get a laugh when they get the message.

What Happens When You Fall In Love With

A chef? (You get buttered up.)
A chauffeur? (You get taken for a ride.)
A gambler? (He cheats on you.)
A telephone operator? (He gives you a phone-y line.)
A trashman? (He dumps you.)
A clockmaker? (He two-times you.)
A pastry cook? (He desserts you.)
A shoe salesman? (He walks all over you.)
An elevator operator? (He lets you down.)
An artist? (He gives you the brush.)
A jogger? (He gives you the run-around.)

His & Hers Road Trips

HERS

1. Pulls off at wrong exit.
2. Opens window.
3. Asks directions of a knowledgeable police officer.
4. Arrives at destination presently.

HIS

1. Pulls off at wrong exit absolutely positive it's the correct one.
2. Drives five miles into wilderness, still thinks he's right
3. Drives an extra five miles just in case.
4. Finally rolls down window.
5. Hocks a loogie.
6. Pulls up to a 7-Eleven.
7. Gets three hot dogs, a large Slurpee and beef jerky.
8. Asks foreigner behind counter how to get back onto the highway.
9. Gets back into car.
10. Farts.
11. After he closes the door.
12. Laughs at the idea of looking at a map as he pulls away from the 7-Eleven.
13. Drives down a dirt road with no street lights insisting this is the way back because the pimply 17-year-old 7-Eleven cashier said it was.
14. Almost hits a deer.
15. Curses the night.
16. Curses you.
17. Curses the large Slurpee.
18. Stops by the side of the road.
19 Takes a leak.
20. Still taking a leak.
21. Almost done.
22. I think.
23. Returns to car.
24. Drives and fiddles with radio.
25. Yells at you for suggesting the map again.
26. Admits he didn't want to go to Thanksgiving at your sister's anyway.
27. He hates your sister.
28. Ever since she called him a pernicious weasel.
29. He had to look up pernicious.
30. Couldn't find a dictionary.
31. Finally found a dictionary.
32. Couldn't spell pernicious.
33. Seethes at the memory of it all.
34. But she is laughing inside.
35. And of course you're still lost.

Love is Grand
Love is grand... Divorce is 80 grand.