Love Relationships

Contents:

1.When two become one
2.True love
3.Worth being loved
4.Falling in love
5.Love at first sight
6.First love
7.Love addiction

Love is everything in a life of a woman. Failed to be successful in his professional sphere, a man at the moment can’t think about his relationships; on the contrary, a woman, having serious problems with her love affair, can’t concentrate on her job. Either agreeing with these statements or not, you can’t deny the fact that love and relationships are the huge part of a woman’s life. Exceptions are very few.

It all starts in the early childhood. Girls play dolls, marrying them, creating toy families; they play in mothers and daughters. Later girls start to dream of a beautiful white bride’s dress; they’re trying to catch the bouquet on the weddings of their elder relatives and friends. Their favorite topic for discussion are boys, they imagine a magnificent first date, a romantic first kiss, a perfect boyfriend, an ideal husband and a happy family.

Girls fall in love for the first time, and there starts the saga named “women and relationships”. Each girl thinks that she’s the unique one, the happiest or the most miserable. It doesn’t matter in fact, because love stories repeat the same scripts for every woman. Girls fall in and out of love, change boyfriends, making the same mistakes, blame it all on men.

When a woman starts new relationships with a man, she seems to play the main role. Men are obsessed with passionate attempts to get aquatinted with an object of adoration, but in course of time female happens to get too much attached to a partner, complaining of his not giving flowers or paying that tender attention anymore. A man has finally won his woman - she’s calling him everyday; turning for help, advice and understanding; she’s asking in a weepy voice “don’t you love me anymore?” - so does he still have to claim his individual property? His own logic says he doesn’t. Women and their relationships are the great encyclopedia of mistakes. Women tend to forget that the less they show their affection, the more they are appreciated by their second halves.

Women and relationships tell an endless story of a constant search for the Ideal Man that – and that’s proved by science – doesn’t exist. As a result, women try to change male dates in a way to meet their innocent dreams of Mr. Prince Charming on a White Horse. Usually, it never works - he gets annoyed, she gets disappointed.

We all should remind ourselves from time to time that we’re living in the real world, both men and women aren’t perfect, we have our bad habits and sins, some positive or negative past experience, our fears and complexes. While building relationships we have to deal with all that in each other. The love and relationships are never what women or men want them to be. Favorable outcome leads to compromises, dismal end – to everlasting cold war.

1. When two become one

You are no longer a couple, you are the one, you share one life and don’t divide it no longer in two. You don’t use the word “I” anymore, there’s only “We”. You belong to him and have no doubts that he belongs to you. So two become one...

When everything suddenly goes right, and all the problems seem so miserable that you don’t even have think now, since now you don’t have to worry about a thing at all.

When you are ready to give up all your life for him and you’re quite sure that he’ll never ask for that because he’s ready to do the same.

When you don’t have to talk to understand each other, and when one starts a phrase the other finishes it.

When you can talk about everything in the world and tell each other all the secrets you’ve ever had.

When it’s never better to sleep apart, but when you sleep in one bed it’s so difficult to fall asleep at all.

When you’re together you don’t let go each others hands not for a second.

When you start acting and thinking very similar, and suddenly find out that you both copy each other even in intonations.

When you look at the world around not only with yours but with his eyes at the same time, when you note around everything that could be interesting or useful for him.

When you tell one another the smallest impressions and can always count on total understanding.

When you see your future only with him and see no future without him.

When suddenly and fully understand the meaning of the word “family”.

When you’d rather stay alone than go anywhere without him but nobody doesn’t expect you to come alone anywhere at all.

When every moment is the right moment to call him, and when you feel when he’s is going to call you.

When you look at him the color of your eyes changes and in your turn you are sure that he won’t every look at anybody with those eyes he’s looking at you.

When you are apart the letters from each other come just on time, when you most expect them to come.

When you both have one past, share the same memories and built together the plans for future, when you are rewriting all the plans you had before he came so they could suit him too.

When you learn all his weak points to avoid pressing on them.

When you are beside him you never and nowhere feel out of place.

When you want to go around the world together and at the same time settle down somewhere, build a house, grow a garden and bring up kids together. And you will be making that house a home, keeping it warm, clean, nice so that he would always feel comfortable there.

When you want to take care of him all the times and always feel that care from his side.

When you want to support and help him and do everything, even impossible only to keep him happy.

When you both start doing things you’ve never done before and when you quit doing some things that you’ve been used to.

When you can let yourself be weak.

When you stop looking at the other man at all.

When you both become better day after day because you want to be the best for each other.

When everything you’re doing is right seems to him and when everything he’s doing seems right to you.

When you want every single day to last forever.

When you are never alone.

How can one make this fairytale last forever? Is it possible at all? How not to loose such a great love, not to let it efface itself among the worries of everyday life? These are the questions on which one should work for all his/her life.

2. True love

In most cases we think: this is true love, when in fact it’s not. But than if this ain’t love than what it is? There are plenty of things that we confuse with love.

It could be just the basic instinct. The feelings can be passionate and crazy, but in fact both people may want only sex. And after it all the misunderstanding starts, and once infatuated lovers will find out that they have nothing in common and sometimes they don’t even know what to talk with each other.

Another variant is when people lack support, care and attention to their person or they just scared to stay single. Being with someone can be a habit when one simply got used to the other. It can either be a sick addiction or some self-interest. People call all these types of relationship love just by mistake or trying to conceal the true nature of it.

But than what does real love look and feel like? Maybe it’s when two people seem to know each other for ages and even in their previous lives. They can go on talking and talking and conversation never lacks topics and never gets dull. Or people don’t have to say anything because they understand each other without words. And those moments, minutes and even hours of silence are never uncomfortable. True love is when partners complete one another, when they’re together it’s peaceful, the whole other world with it’s sufferings and problems doesn’t exist and nothing even matters.

True love means understanding. One trusts another more than him/herself and feels ready to satisfy every little need of a partner. Two people don’t stop for a second looking into each other eyes.

It’s said that two persons truly in love aren’t looking at each other but in the one direction. And this is rather reasonable because they don’t say nothing “this is yours and this is mine” and share everything: friends, enemies, interests, problems and etc. One has his/her own identity but sees him/herself only as a part of the other. Still real love is not a relationship of property. If you really love someone you may say “I belong you” but always be ready to let go if it makes the person you love happy.

Jealousy stands out of the true love. How can one be jealous if there’s so much love and faithfulness? Real love doesn’t long for power, it doesn’t want to hurt, doesn’t want to punish for mistakes, it’s self-sacrificing and ready to forgive other and other again. But it’s wrong to think that true love is always a suffering, it only means that you take a person as he or she is and don’t expect the one you love to be perfect.

True love isn’t supposed to blow your mind, yet it doesn’t tend to get and to possess – it’s a and very special state of a soul.

But the question that true love is still has no definite answer. Do we truly love only once in our life? At what age are we supposed to meet our love? Does it last for a lifetime or just for a while? Probably everyone has his own answers to this questions. The truth is that no one should spend life chasing ideals or building relationships by some model of a true love. One will probably fail and miss the real thing beyond all this.

We should remember that very many things we need to supply our healthy and comfortable living but only the true feeling of love makes life really longer and happier. And this is scientifically proved.

3. Worth being loved

They say good man is worth being loved. But than why do people all the time fall for wrong men and women? Moral qualities of a person of cause mean a lot but when we love one we usually can’t define and give a name to that something special in that person that makes us feel this way. Love is an irrational feeling, we can never predict who will be the next and moreover say if her or she will be finally worth it. Everything would be very nice and simple if we could count all the minuses and the pluses than compare the results and in case there are more minuses say “no, I’m not interested”. We all like and in the end love the people who differ, who are personalities, who have that sparkle in them. And it’s sad but good people are sometimes very dull and boring in communication exactly because they do everything right, they never cross any lines.

If you want people, both men and women, to love you – start training your skills in communication. Be pleasant, nice, easy-going, but not too obstructive, learn to be a good listener, because both women and men would prefer speaking of themselves than listening about all your nice features and talents.

Work on your sense of humor, being slightly ironical is always very attractive.

Try to get rid of the stereotypes and to be democratical in your points of view.

Don’t judge too strictly the defaults and weak points of other people – remember you have yours ones. If you really want to attract a person and maybe even try to make him or her fall in love – you shouldn’t criticize your object even if you know that the person is very tolerant to critics. Compliments will do better. Be attentive and helpful. Be good or try to act good. Never tell all at once about yourself. Be a little bit mysterious but not too mystificating. And look after yourself because first we see an appearance and only than personality.

There are some tricks that may help attract the interest of your object. Some say that every man and every woman has his/her vision of an ideal partner, so you just have to find out what it is and act in order to correspond to it. For example a business lady would appeal to an ambitious and successful man, a home man needs a child-woman to care about, a bored man searching for new experience would like an lively girl with the a good sense of humor and etc.

More universal variants of behavior is to be different, to leave your object each time a little bit surprised, one day to look in the eyes and the other to ignore.

This simple trick works but mostly to increase interest which already exists. In case when one doesn’t define you from the environment sometimes it’s better to give it before it gets any deeper.

Playing games even an actor by nature can’t do it forever, so one day the real you will show up and that may be a great surprise for the person that is in love that another you. So staying yourself in any situation is the most reliable way to be. Remember that worth being loved is only that person that loves him/herself. And the most wrong thing one can do is to convince him/herself that he/she is not worth anyone’s love. To attract people you have to be shining, optimistic and – which is very important – self-confident.

4. Falling in love

Falling in love and love are two quiet different feeling. Falling in love can be either a flash of emotions or a first step towards love.

Falling in love is a strong instinctive attraction to the person of the other sex. In case it’s mutual and both lovers will work at their relationships one day that feeling can grow into love. Falling in love is crazy, it very physical, it’s when knees are getting weak and temperature rises, love is calm, comfortable and mental.

You have to do nothing to fall in love and often there’s either nothing you can do to stop falling in love. It’s very illogical: you suffer from splashes of emotions, doubts, can’t fully control yourself and it’s all because of a person you usually almost don’t know. When we fall in love nature shows all it’s power on us. Sometimes it even goes against our sense when we understand that we can’t expect nothing good from these relationships that it’s the wrong person but still can do nothing about ourselves.

Falling in love is the call of our sex but the object is instinctually chosen according to our ideals, dreams and etc although we may not realize it. We usually fall in love with the appearance of the person, with the way he/she walks, the way he/she talks. Sometimes we impute to our object of love some illusional, ideal qualities and the more we get to know that that person the less we fall for him or her. That’s when the feeling disappears eve faster than it appeared.

The more two persons get to know each other, the more comfortable they get the less sharp, bright and exciting the feeling gets. Some couples continue their relationships and get married in the end some fall apart. It’s reasonable to say that a second pair of slippers by the bed and one more toothbrush in the bathroom is the end of that crazy falling in love but it also can be the beginning of something more serious.

Different people fall in love more or less often than other. Some are switching partners enjoying crazy emotions which never turn with them into a real love.

Some may fall in love for a short time while having some permanent partner they love, this can even ruin some stable relationships. Some can claim to be in love with two people at the same time. These are usually two very different people so that one can’t choose which type is better but can neither afford to take both. In the center of love there’s always only one person.

We may call falling in love some kind of a temporary illness both mental and physical and won’t be very wrong. Some will say that it’s destructive, selfish, possessive, blind and give falling in love many other unpleasant definitions. But have those people ever been in love? Because if they have they would know that it differs from any other illness in on very essential way – it can be very pleasant. People nowadays often turn to antidepressants and drugs because it makes them feel better in the first case and makes them high in the second.

Falling in love is the most natural and the least harmless kind of doping. Yes, it’s not mural, it never looks in the future, in fact it has no future but it gives life some spirit of freshness and youthfulness.

5. Love at first sight

Do you believe in love at first sight? Scientists study our brain activity and say that it’s quiet possible but everyone is free to believe or not to believe.

Some people claim that it happened to them and it was like you raise your head, meet those eyes and tell yourself “It is He/She!”. Psychologists say that love at first sight depends on our psychological state at the moment. In some case we won’t even notice those charming eyes in another they can make a lasting impression on as. Also they say that it takes about 30 seconds to fall in love or precisely speaking to estimate whether the person is worth to fall in love with. By the way psychologists claim that men fall in love first.

Very many factors act in the situation of falling in love from the first sight. These are our ideals, intuition or “fast logic”, imagination etc. When you fall in love at the first sight you are usually ready and willing to fall in love. Less possibility that it will happen if you are tired, stressed, solving problems in you mind. Of cause the main part in falling in love is given to the appearance, voice, gestures, smell. One person intuitively searches in the other the qualities and the feature to complete him/herself. Of causes beautiful people attract attention the most, but sometimes it’s wrong to fall in love with them easily because those people are experiencing much attention from the people of the other sex all the time and your delightful reaction may simply have no answers.

But if you suddenly fall in love with quiet unknown person and see that it’s mutual that may mean even that mother-nature has chosen a partner that genetically suits you a lot. In this case it is like “aha, match!” when someone happens to fill up all the necessary categories like “tall, blond, blue-eyed, looks good, has a style and nice manners, likes me”.

Still the cases when people really had fallen in love from the first sight and lived long and happily after that are rather it. You may dream of a beautiful stranger that waits for you just around the corner but it’s wrong to name every slight sympathy and interest to a person the love at first sight. Maybe you’re just a little tired of everything that surrounds you or trying to fill the emptiness inside, yet it doesn’t mean everyone who looks nice will do. Sometimes it takes patience and time to find out the true nature of your feelings, mind that wonders do happen but not as often as we would like them too. If you suddenly have felt the wings behind you back still try to keep your feet on the ground because if it’s really love at first sight nothing will happen to it but if you’re taking illusions for reality falling back on the ground can be really hurtful.

By the way some theories say that we fall in love not from the first sight but from the first smell. Scientist claim that we pay much attention to what our eyes and ears tell us but on the subconscious level the way the person smells play a very big part in his or her expression on us although we don’t recognize it.

As always there’re as many opinions as many people. Each one has an equal right to exist because whatever the all those scientifical researches find out love still stays a sphere in which no one quiet sure in anything.

6. First love

Theoretically first love can happen in any age or not happen at all. But most people had fallen in love for the first time when they were teenagers. That exciting new experience most of us remember very well during all our life. For an adult his/her own high school problems and the problems of their children seem very funny, silly and simple especially compared with all the difficulties of adult life. Somehow we forget how tragic and full of drama life and relationships were than in our adolescence.

Than a teenager falls in love and it happens for the first time he/she feels all it’s ups and downs for the first time either. In that age we mostly enjoy ourselves and study the new emotions inside than show much interest for the inner world of our first boy/girlfriend.

Once we start to show interest to the persons of the other sex and a little later instinctively choose our first love. The relationships between two sexes will interest and trouble us during all our future life but these first steps are always the most difficult and for some of us turn to be very painful. Teenager has a growing and changing body that he/she hasn’t started to understand yet and a delicate soul which is so easy to hurt.

Adults very often don’t take this first affection for serious, they may laugh at it, preach, tell their children that they are too young to really feel anything, that his or her object isn’t a good pair for him or her, they may try obey them stop seeing their boy/girlfriend. This is all very wrong. No one can stop anybody from falling in love especially when it’s so beckoning with the novelty. Wise adults can only try to support their young comrade to pass this complicated with the least wounds and hurt. The feelings of adolescents are as changeable as their mood. So the first love usually goes very soon after it comes. The mission of people around is to show that it’s not the end of world and that a teenager is not alone, that there still stay people who love him/her and in their love he/her can’t be sure. The first love is only the first lesson to learn but it like Alphabet stays in the basic of the whole future relationships of a human.

Very often we cherish these memories a lot, sometimes idealise them, remember the first love as something very innocent and fragile. If something went wrong than some people may have some problems with starting new relationships, they may even achieve come serious complexes that will be spoiling their relationships all the time.

But there’s no such low that tells we all fall in love for the first time in our adolescence if not with our coevals, than with our favourite teaches, famous actors and pop-stars. Yes, teenagers searching an ideal love object in the real life and not finding it there can turn to TV-screen heroes, or persons who are elder and seem wiser and more experienced when the people of the same with them age. Of cause most adults don’t take these kid’s falling for them too serious. It passes as does the hysterical passion for the pop-stars. But still some people don’t fall in love at this age of first love at all, they have some boy/girlfriends in order not to differ from others, to satisfy curiosity and a booty call, they may really like the coevals they have relationships with, but still it nothing serious. For those people their first love may come later, and the feeling will be the same new and surprising for them as for the teenagers. But Bernard Show said that if you haven’t fallen in love till you’re forty you already shouldn’t do it after.

7. Love addiction

The Ancient Greeks already described “mania” as one of the forms of love. It’s an obsessive, ecstatic and long-lasting love. It usually exaggerates the meaning and the importance of the feeling. Very often it leads to strong emotional shocks and dramas. It seeks for the total possession and control over partner, although it can be heroic and self-sacrificing. “Mania” stays very strong even when it has no reciprocity, it can be blindly faithful. Nowadays this form of love exists but in has become less dramatic.

Love addiction is when we say I love him/her too much, I can’t let him/her go, it’ when we are ready to suffer, see our love being abused but still ready to forgive everything because of a terrible fear to loose the one we love.

Some people get adducted to love as the other get addicted to drugs or alcohol. It’s when their partner becomes the centre and the meaning of their whole life, when his or life becomes their life and everything they turn to do is to satisfy their partner’s need and to solve his/her problem. Work, friends, hobbies, personal interests – nothing of that matter for a love addicted person more. And in the basics of it all lays not the love but the fear that can take it’s roots in early childhood when a future love addict didn’t get enough love and attention and now he/she’s trying to fill that space being very scared to return to that loneliness of a child.

In this “mania” relationships there’s very often nothing left to call love, these relationships don’t bring comfort, pleasure and support as they’re supposed to do, but only pain and sufferings. And love addicts may even realise it but the don’t have strength to leave. An addicted to love person is ready to do almost everything if it can be necessary or useful to his/her partner. There is nothing too expensive, unpleasant or taking too much time if it make him/her happy.

These love addicts can be very nervous and depressive, also they are willing to gain total control over the partner. The reason is that they aren’t enough self-confidence and those possessive relationship can be an attempt to prove they are worth something.

Most of all love addicts are scared that the relationship will be ruined because it seems that won’t be able to live without their partner so they are ready to bear selfishness, indifference, cruelty, disgrace. More other those possessed with love try to convince themselves that all this “minuses” are temporary and that their partner is just having hard time at the moment, but after it’s over he/she will se everything that has been done for them and will turn to be very thankful.

Love addicts also may think thanks to their childhood that such sick relations with an indifferent partner is the only they are worth. They may ignore all the good people around them that are willing to give their love and attention.

By the way it’s women who suffer from love addiction more than men. Addictive men usually become obsessed with their job or hobby. The worst variant is drugs and alcohol. And the addictive women usually choose such men as a cross to berry.

The only way to get rid of such a love addiction is to fight all the fears and to quit that obsessive and destructive relationships, to prove yourself that you’re worth much more. Relationships are never supposed to be a one-way street, love is giving but normally it gets much in return. The problem is that the love addiction can be a very serious problem repeating from one relationships to the other so that a person isn’t even able to solve it without professional help.

8. Lost love

Every love affair has it’s lifetime. This that as long as it has a start it has a finish. Some relationships last to the end of partners lifetime, some die soon after they started.

Love may start as the strongest passion but time passes and the storm of emotions calms down, relationships once so bright and full of surprises become routine. It drags on for a while and than comes crisis. A couple can either survive through it or fall apart.

Even when the love is gone it’s always hard to realise that you have to quit something once so good. There’s no certain way to decrease the sad feelings about falling apart. You may only try to stay civilised people about it and to let the one who’s leaving do it without making up grandiose scandals and hysterics.

Although some think that it’s better to stay enemies than friends because than you will have nothing to regret about and won’t execute meaningless attempts to get things back. But is it so right to ruin all the memories about the happy time two people have spent together with ugly scenes screaming and blaming each other in the worst sins?

It’s over when it’s over and sometimes it’s obvious that all is over. Two people scream and shout one at the other almost everyday, they have nothing to talk about and if they do every conversation turns into a quarrel, one finds faults with everything the other does, they both simply annoy each other. That’s definitely the end.

The question is where the love’s gone. Nobody knows it. Maybe they’ve been spending too much time together and finally have started to bore each other. Maybe he has stopped telling her about his love and she has stopped feeling it. Maybe time has made the illusions disappear and the reality has turned to be not what they both expected. Maybe there was only passion and after it’s gone nothing has left. There can be plenty of those maybes. Every misfortune has it’s own face. It may even be that nothing is over but people need to take a little rest one from the other or try to diversify their relationships. In fact when each one of a couple is willing to fight to make love stay they’ll find the way to do it.

The real tragedy is when one still feels the love but the other is bored and wants to leave. If the feeling is really gone no tricks will help to keep the partner, sooner or later he or she will finally leave and those few more weeks together won’t make you happier. The only thing you can really do in this case is to try to get over him/her as soon as possible. That misery will pass as the happiness did.

Sometimes (and it specially refers to women) a man looses his interest to a woman because she has given up her job, interests, friends and etc. in order to become the part of his life, to be everything he needs. He doesn’t have to conquer her no more, she has stopped being a personality with her own life that he had once fallen in love with. If fact this is one of the general mistakes people do. They get too comfortable and stop fighting for each others love. And than when a partner starts packing bags they wonder where did I go wrong.

But still in very many cases lost love isn’t anyone’s fault. It is just the way things go. We should never stop believing that next time the feeling will be real and will finally last to the very end. We have no limit of times that we can fall in love and so although it’s sad to loose love, each time we do we should try to look at it as on the chance to find a new better one.