How To Talk To A Child About Death

Instructions

Step 1:

If a family member is terminally ill, gently tell the child that the person is very sick and will eventually die. Very young children have difficulty grasping the finality of death, so explain in simple terms. It may help to use the life cycle of a flower as an analogy. It sprouts, grows, blooms and dies, yet it lives on in your memory.

Step 2:

Answer the child's questions honestly and as calmly as possible. A child will be much more open with his or her feelings with an approachable, calm adult who does not try to avoid hard questions. It is acceptable to cry and show feelings, but try to remain calm for the child's sake.

Step 3:

Assure the child that the person who is dying is comfortable. Answer all questions based upon your beliefs. Be prepared for uncomfortable questions, such as what it is like in a coffin or whether someone becomes a ghost after death.

Step 4:

Check out library books on death according to the child's developmental age. Use the books as a springboard for a discussion about death.

Step 5:

Make sure the child knows it is okay to express his or her feelings, whether they are afraid, sad or angry. Listen carefully and non-judgmentally.

Step 6:

After a loved one has died, celebrate the person's life by looking at photos of the person, sharing a favorite memory or taking flowers to cemetery. Some children like to "talk" to the deceased at the grave site.

Tips & Warnings

• Before visiting a dying relative or attending a funeral, prepare the child for the experience. Describe the hospital or funeral home and what will likely happen there. Be ready to answer questions.

• Allow a child whose pet has died to see the pet and say goodbye to it, unless the death has been very traumatic and may be too upsetting to see. Holding a funeral for a pet can help a child reach closure.

• Assure a child who asks if he or she is going to die, or if a parent or other loved one is going to, that it will not happen for a long time.

• Don't use euphemisms for death, such as "passed away" or "went to sleep." They just confuse kids.

• Do not push a child into something he or she does not want to do. If a child does not want to visit a dying relative or attend a funeral, it is because he or she is simply not ready for it.