How To French Kiss

I'm not really sure how this kiss got its name, but let me assure you that Frenchmen are no better skilled at this than anyone else. In fact, I'd rate them about the same as I'd rate the rest of the world's men -- and that would be a bit on the lame side.

People! Kissing is an art! It requires practice and skill. You don't just shove your tongue down someone's throat and expect something earth-shattering to occur. And yes, lots, and lots of men think this is how it's done.

It ain't.

There are several methods for French Kissing -- this one is for those who are just learning, or for those who need to improve upon what they've already gotten in the habit of doing. In other words, this isn't the only way to kiss. I'd even go so far as to say there are better ways. But we'll keep it simple for now.

Tease, tease, tease.

Few things make a woman want to be kissed more than *not* being kissed. Bring your face close to hers, trace the line of her jaw with your fingers, or maybe even your lips -- but don't kiss her. Whisper something naughty in her hear, run your hands down the length of her body. Get as close as you can to kissing her without actually doing it. Trust me.

Easy Does It

When you're ready to lock lips, go into it slowly. Kiss her top lip lightly, kiss her bottom lip, kiss her cheek. Yes, you're still continuing the teasing phase here, but you're giving her a little some-some so she doesn't whack you for being an unbearable tease.

Lips first

Don't start out with tongue action. You want to get her hot and bothered with your lips before you do that. Reason being, shoving your tongue in there usually comes off as pushy and impatient -- and that's not something women want in the bedroom. Do yourself a favor and take your time.

Tongue Action

When you're ready for tongue action, you'll want to ease into that as well. (I hope you're noticing a pattern here -- most of you could do with writing it down.) Do NOT shove your tongue into her mouth and expect a miracle. For one thing, that's nasty and very, very unsexy. For another, there ain't a whole lot she can do in return. Your tongue shouldn't be all the way in her mouth, your tongues should be meeting halfway.

Keep Kissing!

Just because you've moved onto tongue action doesn't mean you stop using your lips. You don't suddenly open wide like some kind of Bass and anchor your tongue in her mouth. Your tongue should not be staying there the whole time! Withdraw it, kiss a bit more, tease a bit more, and then back to tongue action.

Tips:

• Keep a hand in her hair -- this very, very sexy. You may even want to give it a gentle tug now and then.

• Your tongue should be firm, but flexible. It should not look like you're sticking your tongue out at your mother, for God's sake.

• Slobber is nasty. Try not to drool on your kissing partner.

• Nibbling on lips is sexy as long as it's not too painful. Go ahead, try it.

• Teeth knocking is a mood ruiner -- try to avoid this.