How To Attract A Woman

1. You Don't Have To Look Like A Movie Star

Sure, a woman will fall for a man because she likes his looks. But for a woman, liking a man's looks often means she likes the look in his eye when he looks at her.

And what's that look? Not dumb adoration, but total focus - - total attention to what she's saying, sensitivity to her moods, awareness of her needs. Most women are fed up with hot-shot guys who spend the whole evening talking about themselves and scanning the room for other attractive women.

Every woman wants to be the center of attention. If that's her experience with you -- a man who remains totally engaged in conversation with her, unaffected by the gorgeous girl at the next table, she'll find it irresistable. She'll want to see you again, and she won't care if you're not the most attractive guy around.

Really paying attention covers everything from putting her orgasm before yours to putting the toilet seat back down. It means thinking of her and making sure she's comfortable. It means taking out the trash and being gallant enough to lift anything that looks heavy -- even if she's perfectly capable of lifting it herself. That's not the point. The point is that you care enough to do it.

2. You Don't Have To Be Rich

Men often complain because they think women want only rich and powerful men. It's true that women are instinctively attracted to these kind of men. But many women are enlightened enough to ignore this instinct and secure enough to look for a man who will bring attributes other than financial security to a relationship.

If you're not rich or powerful, you can provide the other things a modern woman wants -- companionship, communication, sensitivity, compassion, affection and suppport. By providing those, and being quick to recognize other things that your woman might need in her life, you can make her happier than she'd be with a rich man.

3. You Do Need To Be Happy

A woman is attracted to a man because she perceives that her life will be better with him in it than without him. So, if you want to attract your ideal woman, look like you're having fun. If a woman thinks you're enjoying life, she'll be drawn to you, because she thinks her life will be more enjoyable with you in it.

When women talk about the kind of man they'd love to be with, they often describe qualities like a "good personality and a great sense of humor." What they really mean is that they want a happy man. A woman wants a man who likes himself and his life, not a man who hates his job, his life, his ex, his parents, his looks or the world in general.

If you're unhappy with your life, keep it to yourself and work on solving the problem. Women are drawn to men who are enjoying their lives. Your lover is not your therapist or your lawyer.

4. If You're In A Depressing Relationship, Get Out Of It

If you're not attracting women because you're depressed, and the reason you're depressed is because you're in an unsatisfying relationship, get out of it. See the "Letting Go" Section of my Library, starting with "Convenient Relationships".

Don't stay in a go-nowhere relationship, waiting for Ms. Right to inspire you to leave it. When you're half-in, half-out of an unfullfilling relationship, you are not really available for a wonderful woman if she does come along. She senses your inability to be totally available, and you remain stuck with the previous unfullfilling woman.

5. Project The Right Image

Are you sane, balanced, settled, with both feet on the ground and your head on your shoulders? Do you know who you are? Do you like who you are? Or are you still searching? Women like men who seem substantial, not flakey.

Are you dependable? Can you always be found, or are you the type who suddenly disappears, can't be relied on and is difficult to reach? Are you simply without any stability in your life? Would a woman feel safe marrying you, allowing you to use her credit cards, write checks from her checkbook, and most importantly making you the father of her children? Would she feel safe leaving her children with you?

If you're the wild and crazy type, that's probably the kind of woman you'll attract. Sane women who are attracted to crazy men are just having a lark. When a woman wants a life partner or a long term relationship, she wants a sane man. She wants someone she can take home to her parents without being disowned. She wants someone she can take around her business associates without being embarrassed and losing business. She wants someone she can rely on.

When you're ready to get serious, tone down your outrageous behaviors. Let a woman see that you're the type of man she can make a home with. Show her that she can depend on you to do what you say you're going to do, be there if she needs you, and be the life partner she needs.

6. Are You Lovable Or Just Looking To Get Laid?

Do you just want to get laid without getting emotionally involved? Women are turned off by men who aren't lovable, who just want sex without communication, affection, and foreplay. Actually, women report that they think being affectionate is more important for a man than being handsome.

Do you have frequent opportunities to be affectionate with your family or kids? Or are you so tied up with your career, getting ahead, and fighting to succeed that you've lost touch with your affectionate side?

If you feel too inhibited to be affectionate with a woman, or you've been hurt so much by past relationships that you're afraid of being open and affectionate, or you're simply out of practice, you need to reopen your affectionate side. Getting a pet often helps. Then, when a woman comes into your life, it may feel more natural to feed her, pet her, and be openly affectionate with her. She'll appreciate that more than a perfect body or a handsome face.

7. Affection Is Important, But You Must Do More

Women want to be loved for their souls, their intelligence, their personalities, sense of humor, depth and ability to please you. They need reassurance that sex isn't the only reason you want them.

So if you want a woman for sex, you'll actually do better if you set sex aside at first and look for other things to like about her. Let her know that you think she's smart, that you appreciate her mind. Ask her opinion about things. Talk to her. Let her know that what she thinks is important to you.

Show respect for her abilities outside of the bedroom. Does she work for a cause? If so, act interested. Is she a passionate ecologist? Is she into health foods, or new age philosophy? Whatever she's into, it's important that you don't put down her beliefs, no matter what you think. You don't have to agree with everything she thinks, but if you belittle her, you'll totally alienate her.

8. Learn The Art Of Seduction

Of course, you want sex. Women know that and they expect it. But many men never get close to women because they don't know how to ask. They make a small, timid move and expect the woman to respond with instant passion. If a woman doesn't react, they think that means "no." It doesn't necessarily.

Lots of women wait for the man to make all the moves. They've been taught that nice girls don't want sex. So even if they do, they're not going to grab you and tear your clothes off. If you're afraid of rejection, you may be acting too tentatively.

Here's a simple rule to follow. If you haven't been pushed away or she hasn't said "No," she may be waiting for you to make another move. However, if she does push you away or says "No," stop immediately. If you persist for one moment beyond that, it's sexual harrassment or worse.

There's always a next time. And in the meantime, perhaps you should review your romancing style.

A particularly successful seducer once told me, "I never pick the fruit until it's ripe. If you pick it too soon, it's hard and bitter, but if you wait until it's ripe, if falls off in your hand, and it's oh so very sweet."

Getting a woman "ripe" requires the dance of seduction, a courtship ritual. Courtship rituals take place in every species. There are moves the male makes, moves the female makes. In our species and in our society, the man makes the moves by taking the woman out, wining and dining her, giving her gifts, perhaps, but certainly lots of time and attention. He is then expected to be the aggressor sexually.

Do you want to be successful with women? Follow the ritual, even if you think it's bullshit. Love her for her mind and her good qualities. Always precede seduction with wining and dining. If she seems happy, proceed. Show her affection, and if she returns the affection, proceed some more. Much later, after you've mastered the dance, you can try to change it (if you still want to).