For Women Only: 10 Ways To Attract And Hold Attention

Despite the realities of AIDS and the scarcity of men, today's Black woman can mix and mingle on the single's scene and meet an attractive, employed single man who is ready for a serious relationship. The key is for the single woman to get her act together, boost her confidence and present herself as the interesting, caring and attractive mate that every BMW (Black man working) desires. She should make finding herself the No. 1 priority; then she'll be in a better position to meet Mr. Right. Here are 10 tips that will help women of all ages attract and hold attention in all circumstances.

1. Love yourself first. It is most important that you love yourself and do all that is necessary to be the best person you can be before you get involved in a serious relationship. Exercise, eat right and take care of your body because you love yourself and value your appearance and health. Make sure you are doing your best on your job; but if you aren't happy there, take steps to improve your situation. Check with local colleges and universities to determine if there are classes that might further your career or enhance your personal interests. Develop and pursue hobbies and interests that give you a sense of enjoyment and fulfillment. Attend church and otherwise develop your spirituality. If you feel that something is missing in your life, don't assume that a man can or will fill that void. If you take steps to love yourself and be happy with yourself, you will increase your chances of attracting the attention of a great mate.

2. Always look your very best. Keep in mind that often the first impression is the only impression, so always present yourself in the most attractive manner possible. Regurlary exercise so that you will be toned and firm and look goad in your clothes. If you have not mastered the art of doing your own hair, make regular visits to a flair salon. And while you are there, treat yourself to a manicure and pedicure. Visit the makeup counter in your favorite department store to update your look and get pointers on how to properly apply your makeup. Makeup should enhance your natural features, rather than make you look garnish and clownish. Take good care of your teeth and regularly visit a dentist.

And what about your clothes? Are they always clean and neat and flattering? Is your wardrobe up-to-date? Taking care of your body and looking good boosts your confidence, and that shows. Keep in mind that clothing has a language of its own, similar to body language. From your clothing, others can tell your age, sex, class and more. Clothing defines and describes the individual. So what is your clothing saying about you? Honestly reassess your look and your wardrobe; get a friend to help you. Don't go to the laundromat, to the cleaners, to the grocery store or even walk your dog unless you take time to look your best. You never know whom you might meet when you step across your threshold. You must be ready. And keep in mind that your entire appearance--how you dress, comb your hair, how you smile, walk, stand--all affect the image you present before you even say a word.

3. Fine tune your body language. learn the art of nonverbal communication and the importance of body language, for you are sending out many messages with your body when you might not realize it. Facial expressions tell a lot about you, and so do hand gestures. If you fidget, twirl a strand of hail; slump down in your chair or sit up straight, you are giving nonverbal signals to those around you. Be confident and self-assured, but not too cocky. What many women still don't realize is that men--regardless of how good-looking and accomplished--are sometimes easily intimidated. So they certainly will avoid a woman they think will snub their advances or give them a hard time. A woman with a sneer on her face on a don't-mess-with-me look will seldom be approached. Both grace and grit are necessary to maneuver through the single's scene these days, but you need a personality that will stand out in the crowd rather than fade into the wood-work. Also be careful not to give off "I'm desperate for a man" vibrations. Be friendly, interested and inviting.

4. Keep the conversation upbeat, but don't tell too much too soon. When you do finally meet a nice man who shows an interest in you don't turn him off by going on and on about your personal problems. He's not your therapist. We all have met people who within five minutes of conversation are telling you about a mean boss, an unfaithful friend, an awful stepmother, persistent creditors or all their past relationships. While such tidbits might make juicy conversation with the girls, don't delve into such personal details with a new male friend. Sure, he wants to get to know you, but keep the conversation focused on more pleasant topics and away from depressing subjects. Leave your baggage at home. Open up and talk about yourself, but don't bore your companion with stories that only a mother would enjoy hearing. And don't gossip and bad-mouth others, for this gives an unforgettable--and regrettable--impression about you and your priorities. Instead, read and make yourself interesting by being knowledgeable about current events.

5. Smile, be friendly and even flirt sometimes. To make social connections, you must find a way around your shyness. Work at being more vivacious. Those who succeed in attracting the opposite sex devote time and attention to the art of being friendly. You probably have women friends like that. You know, the overly friendly, effervescent females who are always the center of attention, who always have lots of male friends. And they aren't necessarily flirting, at least not all the time. But they are not shy about stopping a good-looking man on the street to ask for directions or the time. They don't mind going to a party or reception by themselves, for they are comfortable meeting people.

But be clear about the distinction between being friendly and being "loose." Striking up a conversation with a stranger is not the same as going to bed with one. But casual friendliness and harmless flirtation open doors and heads and hearts. A short cordial conversation could yield important data, such as whether a man is single or married, a general overview of his personality, an indication as to whether he is a nice brother or a cad.

6 Get out and net involved. Don't sit home and sulk. Get out and get involved and enhance your life by broadening your horizon. Expand your life and the people in it. Interesting people attract the attention of interesting people. Your goal should be to meet as many engaging people as possible, and among them you just might run into the perfect man for you. So volunteer some of your free time to work with a social service organization, a homeless shelter or on committees of professional organizations. You'll notice that a lot of eligible men are an the boards of such organizations. Join the Urban League and the NAACP, but do more than just send in your dues. Be active. Many such organizations have auxiliaries geared to attracting young professionals. For example, the Metro Board of the Chicago Urban League hosts an annual "bachelor auction" that has evolved into a very popular event that brings together upwardly mobile African-American singles.

It's also a good idea each year to attend at least one major national convention or other big meeting that brings together people from all walks of life. National gatherings that are proven grounds for successful matchmaking and networking include the National Black MBA Association, National Urban League, NAACP, the National Association of Black Journalists, the National Bar Association, National Brotherhood of Skeirs, and the Congressional Black Caucus. Once there, don your best attire, polish your smile and conversational skills, and have a great time.

But you don't necessarily have to leave town to have a good time. Despite your heavy work load, make an effort to be more sociable. Attend parties and receptions. Buy tickets to fund-raisers; and even get involved in planning them for charity. Plan outings yourself and invite friends along. A lot of holiday activities provide exceptional opportunities to mingle with the opposite sex.

Acquire new skills and develop hobbies that will expand your personality and make you sparkle and stand out from the crowd at a party or other gathering. If you like the arts, attend a museum lecture e or take an art or photography class. Collect something that interests you-- shells, records, clocks, paperweights, posters, art, a certain type of book--and become an expert at it. Take up hang gliding, skiing, bicycling, roller blading, ice skating or sailing. Whatever your leisure pursuit might be, there is probably a club or organization that you can join and socialize with others who share your interests.

7. Know sports. Many women don't know the difference between a touchdown and a field goal, or how a three-pointer differs from a regular two-point shot in basketball. But based on feedback from many men, knowing something about sports is a big plus. You can get an edge on the competition by being able to talk intelligently about sports. Know who hit that big home run over the weekend, who scored that game-winning touchdown, and who was the highest scorer in the NBA. Attend some games to get a feel for the sport, and you just might meet someone special.

8. Visit new places. One of the most interesting places to attract and meet new people is the bookstore. It's a great place to browse and keep one eye on your fellow browser while scanning your subjects of interest. Particular sections to scout out are automotives, sports, languages and music, but be open-minded and scan the entire store. If you spot someone interesting, you can gradually work your way to his area and politely ask a question about a book or subject. The types of men who might spend time in a bookstore (businessmen, accountants, doctors, attorneys) make good catches. They are likely to be intelligent and have an interest in reading and bettering their lives. Art galleries, music stores, theatrical events and even large churches are also great places to meet interesting men.

9. Give him a challenge. Once you meet a nice guy and the chemistry is right, one of the worst things you can do is make it too easy for him. If you live in different cities, insist that he travel and visit you first. Let him decide where your first date will be, and let him pick you up at home or another designated place. And never offer to pick up the tab or go clutch on the first date. Don't call him unless you're returning his phone call. And when he does call, end the conversation first and leave him wanting more. Take that thought a step further and also end the date first, even when you are having a great time. It's not a good idea to give too much time too soon, because many men want to see you every day in the beginning, but then lose interest. And though it might seem old-fashioned, never sleep with a man on the first date. These days, with AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases plaguing the dating serene, it is a good idea to take your time and get to know your partner.

10. Ask him out. We are in the mid-'90s swiftly moving into a new and exciting century. It's okay for a woman to ask a man out, and a great number of men like it. So, when you spot a new guy in your neighborhood, in your office building or at your church, and after you have broken the ice and introduced yourself, ask him out. And be specific. Don't say, "Hey, you want to get together sometime?" Instead, ask, "Would you like to meet for coffee [dinner drinks] after work on Wednesday?" If you do the asking, you also decide whether the date will meet you at your home or at another location. Remember, if you ask him out, you should pay for the outing, unless he persists after you insist on paying. Also, movies are not ideal for that first date because you end up spending two hours in silence during which you cannot really get to know each other.

Be prepared to end the date in an appropriate fashion and at an appropriate time. If it's a weeknight, you always have the excuse of having to get up for work the next day. A peck on the cheek or lips or a casual hug are acceptable ways to say goodbye. Let him make the suggestion for a follow-up date. If the outing is disappointing or if you never hear from him again, don't blame yourself. And don't give up. Ask another intriguing man to go out with you.

To attract and hold the attention of a good man, you must first have your act together. Take care of your body, dress attractively, get out and mingle -with people, smile and be friendly, and have something interesting to talk about. If you are feeling good about yourself, looking great and enjoying your life to the fullest, your energy and vivaciousness certainly can attract the right person.