Are You Ready To Get Married?

For most men, the answer to that question is a resounding 'maybe'. High school may have prepared us for the nuts and bolts of daily life, such as finding steady employment or furthering our educations. Our parents may have prepared us for an independent lifestyle- household finances, cleaning, emergency repairs and so on. But few men are fully prepared for all the issues surrounding single life. We enter into dead-end relationships or suffer the pain of rejection. Dating could either become a daily pursuit of shallow relationships or a lonely quest for 'The One'. For most men, the single life is an emotional rollercoaster filled with a few highs and plenty of downward spirals.

But a miraculous thing can happen once a man matures and takes a better inventory of his goals and needs. A casual relationship can easily become exclusive, and the thought of marriage on the horizon doesn't always result in a panic attack and cold sweats. It's sometimes assumed that all men have commitment issues, but the reality is that many men are more than ready to escape the unfulfilling days of singlehood. The idea of spending a comfortable life with a woman who truly understands them is worth much more than anything being single can offer. As men grow more stable emotionally and financially, the perceived benefits of marriage become much more appealing.

Before you commit to marriage, however, take some time to examine your own stage in life. By asking yourself the tough questions now, you'll discover that the rituals and challenges of engagements and ceremonies and in-laws won't be nearly as daunting. Marriage is a serious commitment for both partners, so ask yourself the following questions before taking the next steps towards your future.

1.Am I prepared financially for marriage? Many older married couples will gladly share stories about scraping by during their first years of marriage, but you need to see their real point. Being financially prepared for marriage may not equal reaching your own personal career goals. Obviously you'll need to earn enough income to support or supplement your wife's own needs. Housing costs are another consideration, as well as future plans for children or possible relocation. But you should also realize that it's perfectly alright to get married as a junior executive or a middle manager or even an entry-level worker on an assembly line. Raw income is no measure of a successful marriage, so don't allow money issues to scare you away from marriage. You and your new bride can celebrate promotions and pay raises together.

2.Am I ready to give up my bachelor routines?

Many men look at their late teens and twenties as the best years of their lives. They could stay out as late as they wanted, eat whatever science projects were still in the dorm fridge, and enter into temporary relationships at will. The idea of giving all of that independence up for any woman may be the scariest thought of all.

Men who have lived on their own for many years do develop ingrained patterns which are difficult to change. The day after the wedding marks the end of an era- suddenly someone needs to know your plans and expects a certain level of cleanliness and responsibility. Your money becomes 'our money', and will suddenly go towards unmentionables such as groceries, clothes and household supplies. But if most men were honest with themselves, they would have to admit that a little structure and stability aren't so bad after all.

3.Am I entering into this commitment for the right reasons? Sometimes in the darkest days of singlehood, a romantic relationship will end with a traumatic bang, not a whimper. The danger lies with a rebound relationship becoming too serious too fast. It's as if the wounded partner were trying to prove something to his ex by marrying the next woman he meets. The relationship may actually feel real enough, but the man's head isn't in the same place as his heart. This is absolutely the worst time to consider marriage.

Ask yourself if you're truly in love with this person and willing to forsake ALL OTHERS, including the woman who dumped you unceremoniously last year. A good marriage means being on the same page at the same time. You won't necessarily learn to love someone more over time- those feelings need to be there at the time of the vows.

4.Can I truly forsake all others? One fear many men have about marriage is the all-too-real prospect of infidelity. In the casual dating world, a man could occasionally check out the cute waitress at the restaurant or the new girl in the accounting department. We're all surrounded by attractive people in our daily lives, so we're bound to fantasize. But there is a difference between an idle fantasy and planning an actual illicit encounter. Men must learn to co-exist with attractive women while remaining true to their marriage vows. It's an important aspect of marriage to consider before taking that next step. Fidelity in a marriage is vitally important, so make sure you can separate what is real and fulfilling from what is fantasy and potentially hazardous to your health. There's nothing wrong with being attracted to other women besides your spouse, but you must have the inner resolve not to pursue those attractions.

5.Have we discussed the important issues of our married life? There are elements of marriage which should be settled long before the actual wedding day. Are you comfortable with her views on religion, for example? If you're both of the same faith this may not be a concern, but you'll need to discuss potential conflicts of different faiths. How will potential children be raised? Do we even plan on having children? If so, how many? Can you live happily with someone who doesn't want children, or perhaps wants too many for your own comfort?

Other important issues are logistical- do you have plans for moving into a new home together or sharing your present housing? Will your work schedules need to be adjusted to accommodate this new life together? What if one partner gets a lucrative job offer in another city or state? Are you flexible enough to quit your own employment for the needs of your spouse? It's important to know how your spouse feels about relocation. Does she need to stay close to elderly parents or other relatives, or is she anxious to move away to a different part of the country?

6.What personal goals will I have after marriage?

Are you comfortable with your level of education, or do you anticipate pursuing a higher degree? Do you have side interests which may involve many hours of your spare time? It's important that spouses understand certain passions you may have, even if they don't necessarily share them. Spending time in pursuit of a hobby may seem perfectly alright in your eyes, but it also means time not spent with your loving spouse. This can lead to frustration and anger if you don't ration out your spare moments fairly. Pursuing a higher degree is a worthy goal, but can your spouse accept the loss of your attention or a temporary dip in the household income? You should learn to think for two people whenever possible. This is vital to a strong marriage- always consider how your actions will affect another person. If you can do this instinctively, then you are definitely ready for marriage.